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Written From the Soul
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Deviant for 5 Years
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These words are my heart.

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Hi, guys! So I don't know if you've heard (probably not) but my book is out! Right now it's on LeanPub, which is a pretty groovy site that hosts e-books. It's got some of the poems that I've already published here on dA (like  Seoulit was
all too easy,
forgetting your name,
tasting the starlight tucked
behind someone else's
wisdom teeth ;
our soju-laced smiles
crashing at 90mph
and the memory of you
in the headlights and
wreckage of us,
our 2am laughter
echoing in your bones
from 5654 miles away ;
my hands knowing
the age-old roads
that led to brand new places,
and the faded map of you
folded and kept hastily
in my back pocket.
(I was far too proud
    to ask for directions
    to come home)
chaos theoryI soaked your butterflies in vodka
and buried them alive.
I planted yellow daisies in the 20-proof dirt
and waited for the sunshine
to make us all
Sometimes when the winds are angry where you are,
I think of your butterflies and wonder
if we're all still fighting to get out.
If they ever named a hurricane after me
I would call you up just to say
         I told you so.
things you should've told me.1. You're going to be okay.
2. I haven't forgiven myself yet, but I'm getting there.
3. You can't make homes out of people. You can't make poems out of them, either.
4. Whatever you want to believe, you should know you made me happy.
5. You were always beautiful, even though I never said it aloud.
6. Writing about you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
7. Tucked between my lungs is a memory of the day you first smiled at me.
8. It's funny when you realise that I'm an atheist, and goodbye used to mean God be with ye.
9. I don't know the words for the way I felt when you first called me handsome.
10. Sometimes I started fights just to see if I could make you leave.
11. I stopped loving you somewhere in between the third drink and the fourth.
12. I went home that night and I couldn't remember your face.
13. I never read your letters - it would have been too sad.
14. Boys should be allowed to cry in public, too.
15. I wasn't built to handle forevers.
16. I can't listen
, a longer version of  couragethe day I realised
I may never taste your mouth again,
I threw myself
into the first cigarette I could find,
sputtering through the smoke
and greedily inhaling my death wish.
today, my hands smell like nicotine
and lighter fluid ;
and I wonder, if you were aching
would you still let them hold you?
isn’t always sacrifice -
sometimes it’s just alcohol,
or far too much loneliness,
or far too little.
I could have loved you forever,
if you’d been brave enough to let me.
, and of course, the title work,  Polaris is Dead.windbound,
we were caught and cornered,
keelsons crushed
underneath the weight
of rocks and hard places
and hurricanes
that tore us all but
    apart -
in this and every maelstrom
we were just waiting
to crumble,
holding hands like they were
and locking palms in prayer ;
we knew an introduction
to the edge of our little world was
and said our goodbyes
every time the ocean's belly
swelled with Neptune's angry squall,
our mouths filled with salt and
all the breathlessness that came
with keeping a weather eye
on that horizon.
you were the light of my life -
every smile a star
and every star a sentinel,
keeping us from keeling over
or charting courses
hellward bound ;
that angel stern,
casting starshine
on every map and
on every midnight journey,
and making sure
we always knew
which way was north,
or a new world,
or danger,
or home.
but darling,
the storms got the best of us,
our little ship stricken
from bow to stern,
from mizzenmast to bowline,
) as well as a bunch of brand-new, completely unpublished (and probably will never be dA-published) poems! It's not free, but then good art rarely is (and I need to make a living somehow, too). Plus, Leanpub has this nifty feature where it shows you how much I earn, and lets you decide (with a built-in minimum) how much you want to pay for the book. So if you're feeling generous, you can drag that slider all the way to 10! I haven't been super active lately (big surprise) but I've been dealing with school as well as working on some new poems because I figured I needed to gain some traction and write a new book as soon as I could. I'm also in the middle of figuring out the plot of a graphic novel that I want to write and illustrate myself, so that's taking up a considerable amount of time (partially because I also need to learn to draw for shit). All in all, very hectic schedule, but please understand that I do care very much about the art on here and the support you all have shown over the years. The link to the book is over here . So please go show it some love, and even if you can't buy it, or aren't sure if you want to buy it, it would really mean so much to me if you could talk about it and try to gain it some attention! Every little bit helps. Thanks so much again, you all are lovely. Also, I used far too many parentheses in this journal, whoops. 
  • Mood: Affection
  • Listening to: Six Feet Under The Stars - All Time Low
  • Reading: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
  • How long have you been on DeviantArt? - Around 5 years or so!

  • What does your username mean? - You know those gummy worms from Trolli? I love those. I could eat 'em all day. UwU

  • Describe yourself in three words. - Passionate. Loyal. Moody.

  • Are you left or right handed? - I'm right-handed!

  • What was your first deviation? - Oh, lord no. I don't even remember. Actually, I do. I think it was a song or rhyming poem of some kind and I know I used ellipsis and I am so glad that I've come so far and my soul cringes too much to talk about it any more. *shudder* 

  • What is your favourite type of art to create? - Literature that speaks from the heart. 

  • If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be? - OH MY GOD WATERCOLOR PAINTING. YES. ALL THE WATERCOLORS. YES.

  • What was your first favourite? - This one! I still love it.

  • What type of art do you tend to favourite the most? - Literature, because I spend most of my time visiting literature-filled galleries.

  • Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist? - My best friend, lizilicious UwU

  • If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be? - Everyone who's followed me from my first year and continued to support me. I love you all, always.

  • How has a fellow deviant impacted your life? - A lot of people have given me quite constructive comments on what techniques I should use or given me suggestions to lovely works of art that have made my heart grow. dA always continues to inspire and impact my life, and therefore my art.

  • What are your preferred tools to create art? - Pen and ink! Or, screen and keyboard.

  • What is the most inspirational place for you to create art? - My bedroom, in the dead of the night. With a nutella sandwich on a saucer beside me and Coldplay blasting into my ears.

  • What is your favourite DeviantArt memory? - The first time I ever got a Daily Deviation. It was for Up and Apart I wasn't even expecting it, I swear. I was so happy and so shocked and so grateful. I still am. I will always be. Thank you for everything, deviantArt! 

  • Mood: Affection
  • Listening to: The Gambler - Fun.
  • Reading: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
  • Watching: Legally Blonde
Hi guys! If you like my poetry, please consider checking out a book that I wrote. It includes some of the poems I've published here (like Ophelia unrelenting, Who We Are, chaos theory, and Polaris is Dead, as well as a ton of my new, unpublished poetry. You can find it on LeanPub at and they've got this nifty feature where (including a minimum amount) you can decide how much you want to pay me! Please give it a look! Thanks for all the love and support so far. You guys are wonderful.

Hi guys! My first book is out in e-book format! Please go give it a look over at :) It's not free, but good art rarely is. Thanks for all your support and love so far! Stay lovely!
Today, I learned
that grief is the highest form of surrender.

I am still learning how to sleep.
but I know the words to every Frank Turner song now,
and I wear them on my shirtsleeves
everywhere I go.
I know that recovery is a long time coming,
but it can't hurt to hope for scar tissue
on more than just skin.

I suppose this is what getting better looks like -
a quiet, fading ache.
reading so many words aloud and wondering
if you are still amenable
to being my friend.
spelling out my own name and
remembering how it feels
to just breathe.

every art page I follow lately
has been telling me
that it's okay to be lonely.
and maybe that works, too.
but recovery has been a long time coming
and I am still terrified of September.

but perhaps there is hope still
for the wayward hurricanes.
perhaps we are all orchards,
still learning how to bloom.
and perhaps the sunlight has been so heavy
if only to teach us
how to bear the weight
of forgiveness.

don't worry, darling -
this is nothing so empty as a promise.
if all that is left to us
is poetry after the rainstorm
without ever really speaking, then
that I meant it every single time I told you
I will love you until the stars go out,
and I will love you after.

some days when the world gets quiet here,
I listen for the leaves on the wind
and I am safe in the knowledge
that somewhere out there,
in a city on the edge of the world,
you are still so brilliant
and somewhere in another lifetime,
in the messy room of your heart,
there is a door left open
to let the fireflies in.

and whether or not our flight patterns converge
at the very end of this story,
I wish you all the best,
and nothing but clear skies ahead.
The way we tend to be
or, I cried in the lobby of a school building today and I had to write a poem before I lost it completely
or, I thought I saw you this morning and the world shook me to pieces
or, I read that poem and after that I felt like breaking
or, I miss you so much I can hardly breathe
or, I don't know if I'm hoping you see this but here's to the words in between us
or, I couldn't sleep last night just praying this day wouldn't come, had never come
or, I don't know how I'll make it through September and I don't think I'm strong enough to try
or, I put you through so much and I'm so sorry
or, I still haven't watched ahead and I never will
or, I sometimes wonder if you miss me and I know you probably don't
or, I remember every poem you wrote me and I still have the last one
or, I should have worn the blue dress more often
or, I'm too sad to function right now and these are all the words I've got.
So here you go.
Take them.
They were always yours. 


neonsquiggle's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
I lack sleep. I like good food and pretty things and making people laugh. I love writing and good music and that sinking feeling when you realise you like like someone.

I write when I can. These words are my heart.

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Add a Comment:
fataltoxin Featured By Owner Edited 4 days ago
You're more than welcome for the fav - love your work :)
toxic--sunrise Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015
thank you, lovely :heart:
wintersoul2468 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for the llama! :D
Kn1ghtyKn1ght Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2015
Thank you for the llama. I have named him Mercutio
Your writing is awesome btw
(1 Reply)
Bluebellwriter7 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for the llama!
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