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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
August 5, 2015
Polaris is Dead. by neonsquiggle is a terrific example of extended metaphor, with specific imagery and a great close.
Featured by LiliWrites
Literature Text
windbound,
we were caught and cornered,
keelsons crushed
underneath the weight
of rocks and hard places
and hurricanes
that tore us all but
apart -
in this and every maelstrom
we were just waiting
to crumble,
holding hands like they were
lifelines
and locking palms in prayer ;
we knew an introduction
to the edge of our little world was
inevitable,
and said our goodbyes
every time the ocean's belly
swelled with Neptune's angry squall,
our mouths filled with salt and
all the breathlessness that came
with keeping a weather eye
on that horizon.
you were the light of my life -
every smile a star
and every star a sentinel,
keeping us from keeling over
or charting courses
hellward bound ;
polaris,
that angel stern,
casting starshine
on every map and
on every midnight journey,
and making sure
we always knew
which way was north,
or a new world,
or danger,
or home.
but darling,
the storms got the best of us,
our little ship stricken
from bow to stern,
from mizzenmast to bowline,
every stemson,
every scuttle,
every sail.
our little ship in irons,
grounded at sea.
and you, o my captain,
lost,
and lost to me.
polaris is dead.
I am the light of my life -
I am charting a course
for that horizon,
hell and hurricanes
be damned.
we were caught and cornered,
keelsons crushed
underneath the weight
of rocks and hard places
and hurricanes
that tore us all but
apart -
in this and every maelstrom
we were just waiting
to crumble,
holding hands like they were
lifelines
and locking palms in prayer ;
we knew an introduction
to the edge of our little world was
inevitable,
and said our goodbyes
every time the ocean's belly
swelled with Neptune's angry squall,
our mouths filled with salt and
all the breathlessness that came
with keeping a weather eye
on that horizon.
you were the light of my life -
every smile a star
and every star a sentinel,
keeping us from keeling over
or charting courses
hellward bound ;
polaris,
that angel stern,
casting starshine
on every map and
on every midnight journey,
and making sure
we always knew
which way was north,
or a new world,
or danger,
or home.
but darling,
the storms got the best of us,
our little ship stricken
from bow to stern,
from mizzenmast to bowline,
every stemson,
every scuttle,
every sail.
our little ship in irons,
grounded at sea.
and you, o my captain,
lost,
and lost to me.
polaris is dead.
I am the light of my life -
I am charting a course
for that horizon,
hell and hurricanes
be damned.
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I think I'm okay with this, even a little.
Questions:
- How did the imagery affect you? How did it affect the story?
- What kind of story did you get from this? How did it make you feel?
- How did the naval language affect the poem?
- What would have been a better title?
- How does the metaphor work out?
Comment for theWrittenRevolution :
comments.deviantart.com/1/5180…
Questions:
- How did the imagery affect you? How did it affect the story?
- What kind of story did you get from this? How did it make you feel?
- How did the naval language affect the poem?
- What would have been a better title?
- How does the metaphor work out?
Comment for theWrittenRevolution :
comments.deviantart.com/1/5180…
© 2015 - 2024 neonsquiggle
Comments32
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The imagery was good but I would for me anyway been better if for terrestrial phenomenon you could have substituted for their space equivalent ie hurricane, storm.
It reminded me of some of the sci-fi books I’ve read - it’s got a sci-fi feel to it - but could have been more otherworldly.
The naval language is fine because you can apply naval language to any vessel I suppose
the title attracted me to the poem it’s a good title maybe
Polaris - is dead
not sure
metaphorically it’s good , gives off that sci-fi vibe