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Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

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II-High by AyeAye12


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Submitted on
July 27
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we wake into life
a pound of flesh,
full of promise and
so beautifully
    flawed -

but at the end of the day,
here we are :
    still trying to make no mistakes,
    still trying to be perfect.
    still trying.
The title is a line from the song Don't Shoot Me, Santa Claus by The Killers. And yes, I referenced The Merchant of Venice even though I personally have never seen it in its entirety. Heehee.

:huggle: I miss you.

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:iconxchancex:
xChancex Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love the repetition of the "still trying." Very cute but also powerful.
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:icongoldennocturna:
GoldenNocturna Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Writer
This poem speaks a pretty powerful truth; although, I have to agree that this is a bit too short, and the title doesn't seem to fit well (unless you were going with the idea of Santa killing off people who were 'naughty'--wait, wasn't that the basis of a Futurama episode? :XD:).
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014  Student Writer
I quite like the metaphor in the first stanza (and Merchant reference!) but I feel the piece is too short to actually get emotional impact from it, rather than have it as a fleeting passage of thought.
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:iconneonsquiggle:
neonsquiggle Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks very much! I'm experimenting with shorter poetry right now, so maybe I'll work harder on using words that create more impact even with the brevity. Your input is very much appreciated!
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Student Writer
Glad to hear; when done right brevity is a massive asset in poetry :nod:
You're very welcome :3
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:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Quite a journey life is
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:iconneonsquiggle:
neonsquiggle Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, yes it is~
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:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The Killers...:love: I'm working through their discography.

The title made me smile, but the contents made me think. And that's wonderful. :heart:
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:iconneonsquiggle:
neonsquiggle Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm still trying to find a good copy of it! Let me know how you feel about it. :love:

Aww, thank you! It's not every day I get a reaction like that. :heart:
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