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Literature Text
your heart is an ocean
becalmed and
brooding ;
jetsam
on the horizon,
I am still thirsting
for love.
becalmed and
brooding ;
jetsam
on the horizon,
I am still thirsting
for love.
Literature
Water For Tea
Something simmered on the stove-
I turned it down for he was there,
in the half-light by the door;
I think it was water for tea.
The air went thick and fathom blue-
there were fingers in dark curls.
There was wet and bubbling warm;
there was bread with butter for tea.
He grew like mystery, like heavy weather.
I drank him like hope, he left pearls on my lips.
There were fingers in dark curls.
I think it was water for tea.
Literature
of oxygen and water (hope and memory)
goodbye oleander ghost
freckled phantom flower
drifting ever more featureless
in the floodstream engine
you withered in the atrium,
were crushed
under oceanic gears--
no one ever told you
the same things sustaining life
also destroy it.
Literature
rock bottom, ocean floor
half-past a different kind of broken
on sadness, she wrote:
blind fool in the umbra
bury yourself in me
on the other side of lonely
and by god, i love you
(maybe i will be a landfill)
everyone i meet looks for a place to stay;
out of the woods, on wet roads
under wind, under rain
-i'm so far away
no wonder it took him 1455 pages
waiting for her to come this way
tramps like us-
in lieu of emptiness
in absence of a poem
wander, wander
(pour a little salt, we were never here)
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nor any drop to drink.
(inspiration: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner)
First time I've done a petite poem like this in a while. May be carving out a niche for myself in this particular style for a little while. Tell me how it goes, how it feels on your skin. Crit is welcome~
For theWrittenRevolution :
> Is it too short?
> What kind of story can you glean from this?
> follow up: is it too vague?
> What does it make you feel?
> Any pointers for improvement in rhythm or imagery?
comment: here
(inspiration: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner)
First time I've done a petite poem like this in a while. May be carving out a niche for myself in this particular style for a little while. Tell me how it goes, how it feels on your skin. Crit is welcome~
For theWrittenRevolution :
> Is it too short?
> What kind of story can you glean from this?
> follow up: is it too vague?
> What does it make you feel?
> Any pointers for improvement in rhythm or imagery?
comment: here
© 2014 - 2024 neonsquiggle
Comments21
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First off, this poem is way too short for my liking. I prefer longer poetry as I believe there's more of a story in longer pieces versus extremely short ones. However, for there being only 18 words, the word choice is pretty good and there's a good amount of imagery. The story I get from this is that it's about someone who can never be satisfied... That's about it. It's a little vague; I think it needs to be longer in order to get the point across better. This piece makes me think of solitude, in a way. The rhythm is pretty good as it is, but it could use some more imagery. Again, in order to add that, it needs to be longer.
Overall, I like this poem. It's cute, short, and good for just a mere 18 words. Your word choice is very good and the concept is nice. I'd like it even better if it was longer, but it's good as it is. Good job
Overall, I like this poem. It's cute, short, and good for just a mere 18 words. Your word choice is very good and the concept is nice. I'd like it even better if it was longer, but it's good as it is. Good job