literature

The way we tend to be

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neonsquiggle's avatar
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Literature Text

Today, I learned
that grief is the highest form of surrender.

I am still learning how to sleep.
but I know the words to every Frank Turner song now,
and I wear them on my shirtsleeves
everywhere I go.
I know that recovery is a long time coming,
but it can't hurt to hope for scar tissue
on more than just skin.

I suppose this is what getting better looks like -
a quiet, fading ache.
reading so many words aloud and wondering
if you are still amenable
to being my friend.
spelling out my own name and
remembering how it feels
to just breathe.

every art page I follow lately
has been telling me
that it's okay to be lonely.
and maybe that works, too.
but recovery has been a long time coming
and I am still terrified of September.

but perhaps there is hope still
for the wayward hurricanes.
perhaps we are all orchards,
still learning how to bloom.
and perhaps the sunlight has been so heavy
if only to teach us
how to bear the weight
of forgiveness.

don't worry, darling -
this is nothing so empty as a promise.
if all that is left to us
is poetry after the rainstorm
without ever really speaking, then
    realise
that I meant it every single time I told you
I will love you until the stars go out,
and I will love you after.

some days when the world gets quiet here,
I listen for the leaves on the wind
and I am safe in the knowledge
that somewhere out there,
in a city on the edge of the world,
you are still so brilliant
and somewhere in another lifetime,
in the messy room of your heart,
there is a door left open
to let the fireflies in.

and whether or not our flight patterns converge
at the very end of this story,
I wish you all the best,
and nothing but clear skies ahead.
or, I cried in the lobby of a school building today and I had to write a poem before I lost it completely
or, I thought I saw you this morning and the world shook me to pieces
or, I read that poem and after that I felt like breaking
or, I miss you so much I can hardly breathe
or, I don't know if I'm hoping you see this but here's to the words in between us
or, I couldn't sleep last night just praying this day wouldn't come, had never come
or, I don't know how I'll make it through September and I don't think I'm strong enough to try
or, I put you through so much and I'm so sorry
or, I still haven't watched ahead and I never will
or, I sometimes wonder if you miss me and I know you probably don't
or, I remember every poem you wrote me and I still have the last one
or, I should have worn the blue dress more often
or, I'm too sad to function right now and these are all the words I've got.
So here you go.
Take them.
They were always yours. 
© 2015 - 2024 neonsquiggle
Comments20
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xxpurelightxx's avatar
just wondering, is the font small and in lowercase to show that the person is meek, and that they are barely holding onto hope?